Saturday did not go as planned.
Not at all.
I woke up at 6am with a really bad migraine. The pain was so bad that in my dream I could feel the pounding and hear it too, it was so loud that I couldn't hear the person I was talking to (Dr. Clancy from my work). Then I woke up and boy....it was bad.
So I took some ibuprophen, the only thing I could find that might actually help but also let me sleep. I had to eat something to take it though, so I struggled through half a protien bar and a small glass of milk and went to bed, hoping it would be better by the time my alarm went off for work.
It wasn't. I called in. I told them I was hoping it would be better in about an hour, once the real meds kicked in. Then I laid there for a minute...and woke up an hour and a half later just as my phone was sending a call to voicemail. I got up, ate something, drank some coffee and water and took Excedrine.
I went back up to bed and listened to the message. Work was crazy. Would I be coming in? I laid down again--pound pound pound went my head. I kept telling myself that the Excedrine would kick in and I'd get up and go to work. 11am--still in pain. 1pm, after a nap and MORE medication it was still really bad. What the heck? I never made it into work. My migraine lasted eleven hours. ELEVEN.
This doesn't happen very often, but when it does it really sucks. I feel like I've let everyone down. Lost money from not working, my co-workers having to take up the slack for my absence. I really hope someone was able to come in--I was too out of it to call until after closing time.
Plus, the old anxiety tends to have a good rush at me...is that thing that happened during and after my last c-section happening again? It's a long story but the short of it is that I had the worst head pain I've ever experienced while on the table for the c-section. I thought I was having an anurism and about to die. The anesthesiologist thought I was having an anurysim and was going to die. It stopped though, and we moved on until two days later it happened again. Luckily I was still in the hospital and wound up spending a week there. I couldn't lay down, or even sit, without that throbbing, awful pain that got worse and worse until I thought my head was going to explode...literally. It was terrible, they put me on some serious drugs, from which I had a really scary reaction which gave me the third "I'm going to die." experience in two weeks time and also which the doctors said was safe for breastfeeding but several nurses said was not. Eventually acupunture fixed it, after only two treatments. Thank God. Now, when the throbbing starts I don't have a panic attack, but it's been 4 years to get to that point. Thank God.
The one thing I did get to do was go outside for ten minutes and stand in the snow with my kids. Well, Loren took off immediately to play with friends, as per usual, so I got to watch the girls enjoy the snow they've been hoping would come for so long.
I tried to be in the moment, and enjoy it, despite the guilt from missing work and the pain still digging behind my left eye and temple. I even got a few photos.
I was ready with a warm bath when they finally decided to come in.
I also got to watch with a smile as Brad picked up his girls and hugged them before leaving for a show.
And, finally, I got to spend time with Loren and gift him with grace and video games before bed.
Things rarely go as planned around here, it seems.
But it also seems I'm learning to be okay with it a little more every time.